She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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