you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
