All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
