Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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