She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
