im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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