I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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