I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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