That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
