My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
