this beer tastes like vomit already
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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