She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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