I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
