Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
