My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
