1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
