you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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