So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
