yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
