My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
