On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
