My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
