Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
