uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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