Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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