Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
