he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
