I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
