I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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