But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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