So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
