Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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