I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
