some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
so much tequila, so little girl.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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