I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
