so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
