The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
