i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
