i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
