I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
