A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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