ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You pole danced in your parka.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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