3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We named our party play list daddy issues
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you win again, gameday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
