You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
