She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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