In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
