Don't you send me to vm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
