i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
