What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
