when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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