I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
