and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
