You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
